Seven Deadly Smacks
By Kevin White


• Russ Martin sure went from hero to zero in a hurry. I bet his Nielsen book ratings with women 18-54 is looking real good these days.

• He’s probably more upset that the media keeps referring to him as “the 47-year-old radio personality.” Good luck snagging another 27-year-old chick now, dude.

• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had their twins. Those kids are gonna be so damn attractive, they’ll make the Olsen twins look like extras from The Lord Of The Rings.

• Did they really need more kids, though? Maybe adopting Asian kids is like eating Asian food — two hours later, ya just want more.

• It’s awesome that the only Ozzfest all year is happening outside Dallas. But dude… in August? Really? That was the only time available? I mean, the only Lolapalooza was in Chicago, but they didn’t do it in the friggin’ dead of winter.

• In fact, I vote we outlaw any and all outdoor activities in Texas for the whole month of August. Think there’d be a population explosion the following May? (I’ll give ya a minute to think about that one.)

• It’s hard to think about football in this heat, but the season is nigh upon us. Should be interesting to see if Tony Romo can keep it in his pants long enough to take the Cowboys back to the Super Bowl. Remember Tony — bros before hos!