Seven Deadly Smacks
By Kevin White


OJ Simpson may be the most deserving Smack of all time. All he has to do is lay low, play golf and write books the rest of his life, and he gets away with the crime of the century. Just goes to show that you may be able to beat a double murder rap, but a good ol’ case of Dumbass-itis will catch up with you every time.

David Letterman had a great point. If OJ wanted to get back at the alleged thieves without repercussion, he should have just killed them.

Not that OJ doesn’t have some competition for Dipshit Of The Year. Russ Martin’s little domestic faux pas back in July finally bit him in the ass as his whole station (105.3) went kaput this week. Word is the new station’s promo liners will be “Russ Martin: Unemployed for a f*ckin’ reason.”

His former bosses aren’t exactly vying for a MENSA card either, though. They decided to make the station all sports. Really? They stand about as much a chance against The Ticket as someone competing with the Jonas Brothers in a Please Explain How I Got Famous contest.

And yet another contender,,, Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich was busted red-handed for trying to sell, yes sell, the Senatorial seat left vacant by President-elect Obama. See? I told ya last month there’d still be plenty of asshat politicians after Dubya & crew are gone!

Hey, Rod, why don’t you try selling it to Sarah Palin? She obviously doesn’t give a polar bear’s ass about governing Alaska anymore. Sarah, sweetie, your 15 minutes are up. Now go back home and tend to the moose and reindeer. After all, Santa’s on his way, dontchya know?

Speaking of which, I gotta go. I hear some noise on the roof and I gotta grab my shotgun. That fat bastard better not try to crawl down my chimney again this year! Homeland security my ass…