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 Seven Deadly Smacks
By Kevin White
• Big thanks to Major League Baseball and the Texas Rangers for robbing fans of First Amendment rights to freedom of expression. Rangers fan, Kristen Knapp-Webb, attending a Rangers-Yankees game for her 19th wedding anniversary, was asked to remove or conceal her “Yankees Suck” shirt, or face removal from the ballpark. Kudos to her for choosing to walk out on her own and share her story with the news instead.
• Excuse me, but if you can’t deride the opposition at a sporting event in the spirit of competition, what the hell is the point of even going? Yeah, that’s what I want — pay $20 to park, $30 for a ticket, $15 for a hot dog and beer, sit in the sweltering heat and have some neo-Nazi jerk off tell me what my t-shirt can or cannot say.
No free speech for Kristen Knapp-Webb
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• It’s not like her shirt said, “All Holier-Than-Thou, Politically Correct, Self-Righteous, Force-My-Morals-On-Everyone-Else, Blowhards Can Kneel Down And Gently Kiss My New York Yankee-Hating Ass.”
• Hell, it’s not even a matter of her shirt saying anything people don’t already know. The Yankees DO suck! Just ask the 50,000 strong in Boston who were chanting just that sentiment in the playoffs a few years ago.
• Soon, there’ll be no more ‘root, root, root for the home team’ being sung at the seventh inning stretch. Instead, the crowd will chant in unison, “Although it is our sincere wish that our team achieve success in this and future contests, we offer such aspirations without casting any dispersions or ill-will toward our worthy and most esteemed opponents. Please accept our most gracious and heartfelt thanks for agreeing to participate in this good-natured athletic challenge and know that you are all winners regardless of the outcome.”
• I’m going to make a shirt that says “YOU’RE ALL WINNERS!” in 120-point type across the chest. Of course, in 8-point at the bottom it’ll say, “Unless you’re one of those dirty rat bastards on the other team.”
If these fascists get their way and feel they can tell us all how to think and feel, it will be… [THIS LAST SMACK HAS BEEN CENSORED BY PEOPLE WHO KNOW BETTER THAN YOU WHAT YOU OUGHT TO BE READING. BE THANKFUL THEY SAVED YOU FROM ROTTING YOUR BRAIN WITH THIS FILTHY NONSENSE.]
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