Seven Deadly Smacks
By Kevin White


• So the latest word from the wacked-out Mormon polygamist compound in San Angelo is that young boys were being molested in addition to the girls. Hmm... I did not know Senator Larry Craig was Mormon...
• Someone show me in the Bible - or the Book Of Mormon, or the Koran, for that matter - where it says it's okay to bastardize teachings centered on love, peace and eternal happiness to fit your own twisted political agenda or mutated sexual appetite.
• Jamie Lee Curtis said it best in A Fish Called Wanda: "The central message of Buddhism is not every man for himself!"
• You know, if people misinterpreted every writing as badly as they do religious ones, no one would understand the true meaning of the freedoms of choice, religion and speech or the true spirit of the right to bear arms. Oh, wait a second...
• Speaking of misinterpretations, Senator Clinton called her slim victory in Indiana a 'huge win.' Two percentage points, or 23,000 out of nearly 1.3 million votes is now considered 'huge'? Okay, then using that math, I'd like to let all the ladies know I'm hung like John Holmes.
• Congrats to the city of Dallas for vaulting all the way to number four in Forbes' list of cities with the worst commuting traffic. Yeah, I live less than three miles from my office and it takes nearly 20 minutes to get to work. Now THAT's some f*cked up math...
• Fifteen years of the HB (14 for me). Wow. Figuring conservatively at three days a month, 11 months a year, a little quick arithmetic tells me that's a total of 462 nights of sleep I've lost doing this damn thing. Some day, when I'm lying in the nursing home, pissing my pants and forgetting my name, I'm betting I'm gonna want at least a few of those back...