Jim Florentine and friend - using the gift of anger

Jim Florentine is a funny guy. Perhaps that’s why he’s a comedian. I first heard of Jim many years ago when he mailed me his CD, Terrorizing Telemarketers. It was brilliant. More CDs followed, then Jim’s voice was heard on Comedy Central’s Crank Yankers. Jim’s character, Special Ed, achieved cult-like popularity, which meant more visibility and more touring for his stand-up act. Jim was being asked to make prank phone calls with Eminem; he became a regular on Inside The NFL on HBO and could be often heard on the Howard Stern show.

Just after Christmas 2006, tragedy hit. Jim’s “on again, off again” girlfriend Jade took her life. Jim had already lost his buddy, Dimebag Darrell, who was murdered on stage while performing with his band Damageplan. Jim had opened many shows for Damageplan. Fortunately, my man Jim is a survivor. He’s now dating Robin Quivers, and he has a killer new CD of his stand-up act, Anger Is A Gift.

Dan Lorenzo: When you and Jim Norton lived together, did you ever dream you’d “make it?”

Jim Florentine: No. We didn’t go the traditional route of “how to get further along in your career,” because we were both edge, dirty comics. To do that kind of stuff, you really have to go around the business. But even when we didn’t have any money, we were still having a blast — even if we were working (doing stand up) at a firehouse in New Jersey. To us, we ‘made it’ just by making a living at what we love doing.

DL: With fame comes money… you have real money, but I don’t think I know anyone with less interest in the things money can buy than you. Do you agree?
JF: I just got in my 2000 Honda Accord.

I know… what’s up with that?

Money never mattered to me. I never had any, so it didn’t make a difference. What made me happy was when I was an 18 or 19 year-old kid and I got my paycheck on Friday, I’d go down to the record store and buy the newest Motorhead or Saxon record. That made me happy. Me buying a $2,000 piece of jewelry isn’t going to do anything for me. I’d rather help my friends out if they need money.

And you consider me a friend right?
We’ll see. We’ll see when this interview comes out if we’re friends or not. I’d rather help a friend or family member who needs some money than drive around in a Range Rove with wheels that spin, so everybody could look at me.

That sounds like you’re a nice guy or something.

No, it’s not being a nice guy. It’s like, do I want people who don’t even know me saying, “Wow, look at that guy; he must have money.” Like… who cares? I don’t know those people; why does it make a difference.
On your new CD, you claim couples would get along better if they didn’t do things together. Is that the angry comedian talking, or do you really feel that way?

In most cases, yes, because, in your case, with your wife… you guys like hanging out with each other and you guys have a lot in common. Most couples don’t. What happens is they force each other to go to places they don’t want to be, and that’s where the resentment starts in the relationship.

But don’t you think that’s because most people settle? They just marry the first person who’ll take them as opposed to waiting for the right one to come along?

Absolutely, you hear people say, “I’m going to be married by the time I’m thirty,” so they just find somebody. They definitely do without a doubt. I’d say like 80% just kind of settle on somebody. But, you bring your chick to a sports bar and watch football and she’s miserable, so she holds it against you, or she brings you shopping and you’re miserable. The resentment just builds from there. If my chick weren’t into watching sports at a sports bar, I wouldn’t drag her there. She’d not going to have a good time, so why would I do that to her? You don’t need to be around each other 24 hours a day.

You’re always goofing on fat people. Is that uncomfortable to do when you look out at your audience and you see somebody who is heavy?

Usually they can’t hear my jokes, because they’re too busy chewing.

Do you ever change your act based on who might be in the audience?

No. I don’t change it; I’m just like, ‘Whatever.’ I make fun of everybody, so I don’t really worry about it. Maybe if there are kids in the audience... but if you’re an adult, too bad.

I was looking at your website today, and I see you’re in Iowa next week. Every time I think of you on tour, I think of you alone… I was bored on tour, even when I was surrounded by band mates and roadies. What do you do all day, and do you get lonely?

I took a friend of mine out on tour with me, this guy Tony that I’ve known since the first grade. Actually I took him to ROCKLAHOMA, and we’re in the hotel during the day, until the show starts and he’s like, “Dude, how do you live like this?”

I’m like. “What? It’s fucking cool.” To me, when I’m on the road, there’s no phones ringing, there are no disturbances and I can get some writing done. I can take a nap. I’ll go work out, go check out a movie; so to me, it’s like getting away. When I’m home, I’m constantly at appointments and meetings and auditions and stuff.
Your ex-girlfriend Jade was Vietnamese, and Robin is an African American. What do you have against white girls?
And the one before that was Spanish! I lived in W. New York, so she HAD to be Spanish. I’m an equal opportunity dater. I grew up in an all-white, Jewish neighborhood, so I never saw any ethnic women before.

Tell me about dating Robin Quivers.

I asked her out on the air, on a date ‘cause she said she wasn’t dating anybody and I wasn’t. I didn’t think she was going to say yes, but she did. We hit it off, and she’s really cool.

And you guys are exclusive now?

Yeah, we’re exclusively dating, yeah. We don’t get to see each other that much, because I’m traveling, she’s working, and we have two different schedules. But when we hang, we have a good time.

Look, the twenty-year old hot chicks look great and their bodies are amazing, but there is something about a woman that’s independent and knows what she wants and stuff like that. She’s not like a needy little girl. This new generation of women is just so damn needy.

I think that they have daddy issues where they like an older guy who’s going to take care of them, and they’re just f’#cking annoying. They’re sending you 75 text messages, 30 MySpace’s. You know what I mean? You leave their place and then two seconds later they’re calling you on your cell phone.
“Where are you at?”

I’m like, “I’m in the f#cking driveway!”

“Can you call me when you get to the traffic light?”

“For what?”

Me and Robin talk once a day, at the end of the day. It’s perfect. There’s no, “I haven’t heard from you in an hour; what’s going on?” None of that bullshit, none of that, “Who’s the girl on the MySpace page who sent you a comment that she loved your show in Iowa?” There is none of that, and it’s so refreshing.